Over the last few years of sitting in the therapist’s chair, I’ve had the privilege of listening to hundreds of stories. Different faces, different backgrounds, different tax brackets—yet the underlying struggles are strikingly similar. In our Nigerian society, where we are practically raised on a diet of resilience and “e go better,” navigating mental health can feel like swimming against the tide of the Lagos lagoon.
I’ve noticed a few recurring themes and patterns among my clients. I am sharing them with you today not to diagnose, but to remind you that if you are feeling this way, you are not alone.
Here is what hundreds of therapy sessions have taught me about us:
1. The “We Move” Syndrome is Often a Trauma Response
In Nigeria, resilience is our middle name. Fuel scarcity? We move. Power grid collapses? We move. Heartbreak or a major personal failure? We move.
What I see in therapy, however, is that this constant forward momentum is exhausting. Many clients sit on my couch physically present but emotionally burnt out. They have equated suppressing their emotions with strength.
The Pattern: You brush past grief, anger, or disappointment without processing it because you feel you “don’t have time to be sad.”
The Reality: Emotions don’t disappear just because you ignore them; they store themselves in your body as tension, chronic headaches, or sudden outbursts of anger over minor things (like traffic on the Third Mainland Bridge). It is okay to stop moving for a minute and just feel.
2. The Weight of the “Black Tax” and Family Enmeshment
If I had a naira for every time a client brought up the crushing weight of family expectations, I could probably fix the economy. Being a Nigerian, especially a firstborn, often comes with an unspoken contract: you are the retirement plan, the emergency fund, and the crisis manager.
The Pattern: Clients experiencing deep guilt when they try to set financial or emotional boundaries with their parents or siblings. There’s a pervasive fear of being labelled a “bad child.” The Reality: You cannot pour from an empty cup. Setting boundaries is not disrespectful; it is an act of survival. Learning to say, “I can only send X amount this month” is a necessary skill for your mental and financial stability.
3. Spiritualizing Mental Health
Faith is a beautiful, grounding force for many Nigerians. But there is a dangerous pattern of weaponizing religion against mental health struggles.
The Pattern: Clients who have been told (or tell themselves) that their anxiety, depression, or ADHD is a result of weak faith, a generational curse, or a “spiritual attack.” Many come to therapy carrying immense shame, wondering why their prayers haven’t “cured” their panic attacks.
The Reality: You can pray, fast, and go to therapy. You wouldn’t bind and cast a broken leg—you would go to an orthopedist. Your brain is an organ too, and sometimes it needs clinical help.
4. The Paralysis of “What Will People Say”
The fear of public perception dictates an alarming amount of our major life choices.
The Pattern: Staying in toxic marriages, pursuing degrees they hate, or hiding their true passions because they are terrified of village gossip, church members’ opinions, or the infamous extended family WhatsApp group.
The Reality: The people you are trying so hard to impress are too busy worrying about their own lives to obsess over yours. When you make decisions based on “what people will say,” you end up living a life that belongs to everyone but you.